“Maybe deeper. Maybe in our bones.”

He spoke to me about things that I didn’t understand. Perhaps, ‘understand’ was not the right word. I understood, at the surface level; after all, I was smart, a college graduate, well-read. I understood but there was no dept to my comprehension. He dove and swam in the deepest part of the pool while I waddled in the shallow end.

I lacked all the extra schooling and education and degrees he possessed. His knowledge was refined and polished, complex and intricate. All those words and more. I lacked that. At times like these, when our talks moved from simple everyday pleasantries to theories about society and the dismantling of a capitalistic world, I found myself shrinking into a shell and wondering how I had ended up here, ended up with you.

Did I really believe you were too good for me? Too smart? Shouldn’t you be with someone who was just as accomplished, someone who also was called Dr. So-and-So?

“Maybe deeper. Maybe in our bones,” he said. He looked at me then, his eyes smoldering with the universe behind them.

“It’s got to be something, right?” I asked.

I’ve got to be something right, to have you.

Connect the Dots
White Teeth x Zadie Smith

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